


put down your burdens and let me carry you

by Maeve_of_Winter



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hair Brushing, Hurt!Kent, Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-05-31 08:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeve_of_Winter/pseuds/Maeve_of_Winter
Summary: Kent Parson is a lot of things: first draft pick for the NHL, the new star talent for the Las Vegas Aces, and a damaged sub struggling to trust again after his last Dom broke his heart.Jeff Troy is the Aces player who's been assigned to be Kent's new Dom.





	put down your burdens and let me carry you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gwendolynn_C](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwendolynn_C/gifts).



> A big thanks to BigSpicySenpai, who helped beta this fic! Thanks again!
> 
> Thanks to everyone reading! If you ever want to chat, here's my [Tumblr](http://maeve-of-winter.tumblr.com/). I love discussion and hearing people's thoughts, so feel free to submit headcanons, fic ideas, or just talk about Kent!

Kent Parson wasn’t the first sub to play for an NHL team, but he was the first one to play for the Aces, and the first one in history to go first overall in the draft. And the day after he did, the Aces’ captain texted Jeff to invite him out for lunch.

Bracky didn’t waste time pretending their meeting was about anything other than the team. Once they placed their orders with the waitress at the Bandito Kitchen and she walked out of earshot, he got right to the point.

“We need a Dom for Parson,” he told Jeff without any preamble. “And I want it to be you.”

Momentarily stunned, several heartbeats passed in silence as he absorbed Bracky’s words.

 _“Me?”_ he finally asked in disbelief. There were plenty of vets on the team who could have taken Parson—Jeff was relatively inexperienced for the role. “You want _me_ to take care of our big talent sub?” 

He’d never been tapped as a Dom for a teammate before, not even in Juniors, let alone for one as important to the team as Parson. 

“You might have less experience, but that makes you more fluid and more adaptable to a sub’s needs,” Bracky told him. “You’re not set in your ways, which means you’ll have an easier time adjusting any of your methods to suit Parson better. And . . .” Bracky hesitated, seeming yo choose his words very carefully. “I have this feeling that he’s going to need a lot of . . . custom care. The rumors about him and Zimmermann . . . there was something to them. Actually, there was a lot to them.”

Jeff winced. There were always stories about Zimmermann and Parson. However, Jeff had never been sure if there was any fact to the gossip or if it was entirely fiction, or if it had just been speculation due to them being a Dom and a sub who were very close to each other. After Zimmermann’s overdose, he’d been hoping that the rumors didn’t have any actual basis, for both Parson’s sake as well as the Aces’.

Bracky drummed his fingers on the wooden tabletop, a nervous habit he’d had as long as Jeff had known him. “I don’t have to tell you that a lot hangs in the balance with Parson himself here. But since we’re still a young team, there’s a lot there that’s at risk for us. We’re still getting established, and Parson is the first sub we’ll ever have. If we screw up with him . . .”

With an unpleasant jolt in his stomach, Jeff had a sudden vision of the Aces’ name going down in history as a team notoriously unfriendly to subs, with himself being remembered as the ringleader of all of it. He swallowed.

“I can do it,” Jeff told him, his voice much more confident than he felt. “I’ll take care of Parson.”

Bracky nodded, relief clear on his face; he’d obviously had the same anxieties about the situation that Jeff did. “Good man. I’m tapping Katzy as your backup Dom, and I’m here, too, if you or Parse need me. And if there are any problems, if you turn out to be incompatible with each other, let me know right away.” 

* * *

When Jeff first met Kent a month later, the latter was wearing a Southwestern-patterned snapback and media-practiced smile that had stopped looking passably sincere about three-quarters of the way through his draft pick press rounds. He sauntered into Jeff’s apartment like he owned the place, leisurely pulling his rolling suitcase along behind him.

He was very pretty, particularly for a hockey player, Jeff couldn’t help but notice. They weren’t exactly a group known for their good looks, but Kent, with his big, bright eyes and smooth skin, looked like he could be the frontman for a boy band rather than a star forward. However, even though Kent was very attractive, nothing could disguise the evident fatigue lining his youthful features. 

Instantly, Jeff’s instincts as a Dom were urging him to ensure his sub was pampered and cared for, even if Kent had been assigned to be with him instead of choosing it freely. 

“Do you need anything?” he asked Kent as he led him inside. “Food? Something to drink? Dinner will be ready soon—I just have to put it in the oven to heat up.”

“Thanks,” Kent said, with that fake smile again. Maybe he thought Jeff would buy it. “But I can wait until dinner. Maybe I should put my stuff in my room?”

He phrased it like a question, obviously trying to make an effort at politeness, but it was clear he was giving Jeff directions.

“Sure,” Jeff said, turning to show him the way. “Just down this hall—”

Automatically, he reached for his sub to put a reassuring hand between his shoulder blades as he guided him along, but the instant he made a move toward him, Kent reared back, moving away from him.

Jeff only stared, and Kent studied his reaction, blue-green eyes sweeping over him in a way that could be called nothing less than calculating.

“Sorry,” he said with that same fake smile. “It’s a reflex.” But his eyes were cool and steely, without a trace of warmth or affection. 

“Right,” Jeff replied, recovering and determinedly wheeling around to show Kent to the guest room where he’d be staying. 

So Kent was skittish; that had been expected. He could still work with that.

But as he felt Kent’s watchful gaze boring into his back the entire way to the guest room, Jeff began to have his doubts.

* * *

The next few weeks were a repeat of the same scenario. Jeff tried to put a hand on Kent’s arm or shoulder, just a touch that was friendly, not sexual. But Kent swiftly evaded any physical contact without ever actually addressing Jeff’s attempts, always shifting away before Jeff could actually touch him, always keeping a solid distance between them.

“Is it me?” Jeff asked Kent half-desperately one morning over breakfast, determined to find a solution for Kent one way or another and get him the Dom he needed. “Do you want to be with someone else?”

“No,” Kent said calmly, adding almond milk to his bowl of Cap’n Crunch Berries. “And no.” He took a bite of his cereal and didn’t address the issue further, leaving Jeff both frustrated and baffled. 

Kent was friendly enough when he wasn’t finding new and fresh ways to nonverbally reject Jeff. He got along well with the other guys on the team; at their first team barbeque, Jeff watched from several yards away as Kent laughed and joked with a few of the younger guys. He didn’t shy away from any of them, Jeff noticed, a flare of jealousy and hurt running through him as Danno slung an arm around Kent’s shoulders and Kent leaned into the touch.

All he wanted was to do right by Kent as a Dom. He wasn’t some scumbag who was going to force Kent into anything he didn’t want. But if he didn’t want to be with Jeff at all, where did that leave them?

Bracky didn’t seem especially surprised when Jeff told him about his total lack of progress. “Keep trying,” he encouraged Jeff, even as his brows knitted together to form a worried frown. “I know it’s not exactly a cakewalk, but we need to let this kid know he has someone to rely on.”

Easier said than done. Kent didn’t even want to sit next to Jeff at the kitchen table, instead always opting to sit across the table from him. Meanwhile, he was looking more haggard with every day, with the shadows beneath his eyes growing deeper and his face seeming sharper as it became more and more drawn. Refusing to sub was clearly taking its toll.

Jeff did his best to be attentive, to ask Kent to kneel for him, to ask him to simply let Jeff hold him, but neither option seemed to appeal to Kent.

“I don’t do that anymore,” Kent said disinterestedly about kneeling, turning back to browsing designer suits online. 

His reaction was a clear dismissal of Jeff, and Jeff would be lying if he said he wasn’t wounded by it. But maybe kneeling was too traditional for Kent. Maybe he needed something softer, something less rigid and reminiscent of the differences between them. Something that would bring them together.

So a few nights later, Jeff suggested they take some time to watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. Kent was not impressed.

“Wouldn’t you rather go out tonight than stay in?” he asked in response, a blond eyebrow arched. “Besides, some of the front office guys want to meet with me and my agent for dinner.”

Frankly, it pissed Jeff off a little bit that Kent had zero interest in his own needs as a sub. Yeah, maybe part of his anger was his own ego, and feeling annoyed that Kent wanted nothing from him as a Dom. And given that he was a service Dom and not one Kent had freely chosen, he probably didn’t have any right to feel that way, so he tried to push away the feeling. But it ended up fading on its own fairly quickly, because as the weeks went by and the preseason drew closer, he was far more worried than angry. Kent wasn’t subbing for anyone as far as he could tell, either on the team or off, and a sub could only go without someone to care for them for so long.

It wasn’t until one night that they were finishing yet another nearly silent dinner together, tense on Jeff’s part and utterly unfazed on Kent’s part, that Jeff made any kind of progress.

Kent’s phone went off just as he took his last bite of the pitiful serving of gnocchi he’d given himself (It was another one of Jeff’s worries; Kent wasn’t eating nearly as much as he should). Jeff barely got the chance to glimpse the name Bob Zimmermann as it flashed across the screen before Kent grabbed the phone and bolted out to the balcony without so much as a word to Jeff.

“Hey, Bob, what’s up?” Jeff heard him ask as he pulled open the sliding door. He sounded hopeful but anxious. It was the first time Jeff could recall hearing a genuine emotion in his voice. “What’s going on? Any news?”

Kent emphatically slid the balcony door shut behind him, preventing Jeff from hearing any further conversation, and while he knew better than to take it personally, Jeff couldn’t help a stab of annoyance that Kent thought he would eavesdrop.

But he was entitled to privacy, Jeff reminded himself as he began cleaning up the remnants of dinner. Just like, he thought heavily, Kent was entitled to having a Dom who took proper care of him.

Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen was clean and Jeff was loading the final pieces of silverware into the dishwasher. He idly glanced out the window above the sink and noticed that the sun was setting. And then, as he added detergent and twisted the knob to begin the wash cycle, it occurred to him that he still hadn’t heart Kent come back inside.

Curious, Jeff walked toward the glass doors until he could glimpse out onto the balcony, wondering if Kent was still talking to Bob. But Kent obviously wasn’t, and with the way he sat sideways on a lounge chair, his back to the door, slumped with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands, it was also obvious that the conversation had not gone well. 

When he saw Kent’s transparent misery, Jeff was instantly overcome by the urge to comfort him, to pull him close and promise to manage all of his troubles for him. For a moment he hesitated, by now very familiar with Kent’s aloofness and knowing there was a very strong chance Kent would just send him away yet again.

But he knew he would never forgive himself if he left any sub in distress, let alone his own, so Jeff steeled himself and joined Kent out on the balcony. Since he suspected the conversation would just end in a matter of seconds due to a prompt dismissal from Kent, he didn’t even bother closing the door.

“Hey,” he said quietly as he sat down beside Kent, so close that their thighs were almost touching.

Kent didn’t move in response, but at least he returned the greeting.

 _“Hi.”_ The single word was almost lost in Kent’s shaky exhale, and Jeff didn’t miss the rigid tension that filled his shoulders as he registered Jeff’s arrival.

Not knowing if the affection would be accepted or not, Jeff carefully put a hand on Kent’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kent scrubbed as his face with his hands and turned to look at Jeff with a bleak expression in his eyes that sent Jeff’s Dom instincts surging to the front of his brain. “What’s there to say?” he asked, one corner tugging up in a humorless parody of a smile.

Jeff’s stomach twisted at the obvious hopelessness in Kent’s expression, and, Dom instincts in overdrive, he folded his arms around Kent in a hug. He half-expected Kent to duck away from the embrace, but instead instead he just melted into it, slumping bonelessly against Jeff.

For several minutes they remained as they were, with Jeff holding Kent and Kent just letting himself be held, the retreating sunlight around them bathing the balcony in a golden-pink glow. It was an almost surreal moment for Jeff; Kent had always seemed much too indifferent and remote to ever crave any kind of physical affection, and yet here he was, letting Jeff cling to him.

Jeff was the one to break the silence between them. “Anything I can do to help?” he offered.

The question seemed to snap Kent back to awareness, and he pulled himself free of Jeff’s arms, sardonic smile back on his face. “Not a thing. But thanks, it’s the thought that counts.” 

Unsatisfied with the response, Jeff persisted. “There must be something I can do. Even if it’s just something that makes you feel better.”

Kent eyed him with suspicion. “What’s in it for you, Troy?”

“Nothing,” Jeff insisted, stung at the implication, but his Dom instincts still urging him on. “I just want to do right by you, that’s all.”

“Hmm.” Kent didn’t seem especially swayed by the answer. 

“Please, Kent,” Jeff pleaded with him, his pulse surging through his veins. “I want to make sure you’re okay.” He reached out an arm to draw Kent close again, this time facing him, and, on impulse, dipped a hand down into the V-neck of his shirt, tracing along the smooth skin of Kent’s chest.

Kent reacted with a choking noise before closing his mouth and biting his lip, his eyes growing wide and his breathing going heavier.

“Let me take care of you,” Jeff whispered to him, trailing his fingers over Kent’s bare collarbone, his own heart thudding in his chest. For the first time, he became aware of just how _badly_ he wanted Kent to say yes, to just give in to what he needed. He hated seeing his sub go without comfort, and every day it weighed on him all the more to watch Kent suffer and do nothing to intervene and ease his burdens. “Let me make you feel better.” Tugging his shirt aside to expose more skin, he pressed a soft kiss to Kent’s shoulder. “Let me help you let go, Kent.”

Kent shuddered, his shoulders still tense, but easing just the slightest bit at Jeff’s careful touches.

“Okay,” he eventually said quietly. He turned to Jeff, looking at him with those blue-green eyes of his, their vibrance only more noticeable thanks to the dark circles shadowing beneath. Both wariness and weariness were apparent as he reluctantly agreed. “We can give this a try.”

His tone was more reluctant than excited or enthusiastic, but Jeff drew him forth into a kiss anyway, folding his arms around Kent and holding him close again. And Kent relaxed further in his grip, even if, again, it was only very slightly.

* * *

That night, Jeff leaned back against the pillows of his king-sized bed, sitting up as he finally started reading that Civil War autobiography his dad had recommended to him a few months back. Kent was beside him, curled up with his head resting on Jeff’s thigh, arms wrapped loosely around Jeff’s knee. 

Absorbed in his book and only vaguely aware of Kent’s solid presence in the bed next to him, it was a full ten pages in before Jeff realized with a guilty start that he’d forgotten to monitor him.

Inwardly scolding himself, he set aside his book to glance down at Kent. “How’s this? You doing all right so far?” 

Instinctively, he reached a hand down to start playing with Kent’s thick golden hair, the room’s soft lighting bouncing off the flaxen strands as Jeff began to thread his fingers through them.

At first Kent just made a noncommittal noise, clearly not especially enjoying himself through proximity alone, but it was followed by a stuttering gasp just seconds later as he registered the actions of Jeff’s fingers.

 _“Oh!”_ He automatically threw his head back in pleasure, the light flashing across his hair as he did, his eyes going wide. But then almost immediately, he was back in place, pressing his head against Jeff’s hand.

“Do that again,” he begged, all reservations gone.

Overcome with a rush of pride at being able to satisfy his sub, Jeff gladly ran his hand through Kent’s hair for a second time, gently tracing his fingernails along his scalp. Kent’s response was an unabashed moan, a pink tint rising in his cheeks as he did.

“You like that, Kent?” Jeff asked him, very pleased at the sight of Kent blushing and excited before him.

“Feels so good,” came Kent’s ragged whisper.

A small grin of victory tugged at the corner of Jeff’s mouth. He’d found a way to reach Kent, a way to make sure he was being comforted and cared for. It was touch that Kent craved, and so it was touch Jeff would give to him.

“I’ll do it again,” he promised Kent, petting his hair and reveling in how Kent nuzzled back against his touch. “I’ll do this and whatever else you want as much as you want or need.”

Kent’s reaction was to bat Jeff’s hand away, climb into his lap and straddle his hips, and then press his lips to Jeff’s in a solid kiss.

* * *

Touch might have been what Kent craved, but it was still a battle to convince him to accept it, let alone initiate it. Half the time when Jeff reached out to put an arm around his shoulders or went to curl up against Kent on the couch, Kent still sidled away. 

And he still never, ever knelt for Jeff. He’d asked Kent about it a couple of times before preseason games. There was a reason for why kneeling had stood the test of time like it had; the act truly did work wonders for helping settle subs and helping Doms give them what they needed.

But the instant Jeff suggested he might want to try it; Kent’s shoulders went taut and his expression tight.

“No,” he said with finality, a steely edge in those blue-green eyes of his. The color reminded Jeff of ocean water that was shallow enough to wade through, before the water became too deep. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“That’s fine,” Jeff assured him. Automatically, he put a hand on Kent’s shoulder, soothingly rubbing it up and down his arm. “Whatever you want is fine.”

He remembered too late how hot and cold Kent could be about touch, but this time, Kent didn’t react whatsoever, and Jeff found himself wondering if he could honestly call that progress.

So at first, Jeff let Kent do what he wanted without commenting, knowing Kent still had his own issues thanks to Jack Zimmermann and needed his own space. While his Dom instincts had him feeling guilty about it, convinced he was failing his sub, rationally Jeff knew Kent had the right to make his own choices about what he wanted, so he didn’t push. The whole arrangement between them was about Kent, after all. Jeff was meant to be there to comfort him, not the other way around.

But then sex entered the equation, at Kent’s own insistence. In spite of that, Kent not only left to go his own room the moment Jeff was finished, but then also spent the rest of the day or night brooding and looking miserable. When he noticed the odd pattern, Jeff decided to step up as Kent’s Dom and try to remedy the situation.

“You can stay,” he told Kent gently the next time, putting a hand on shoulder and drawing him back as Kent moved to roll out of bed. “I want you to stay. If that’s what you want.”

Kent turned to face him, and there was a small smile on his face, not fake or cynical this time, just sad. “You want me here?”

Jeff lifted a hand and cupped Kent’s cheek, stroking his face with his thumb. “Of course I do,” he said, his voice soft but firm.

For a moment, Kent just sat there, blinking, genuine surprise on his face. But then he sank back down beside him, looping his arms around Jeff’s neck.

Jeff rewarded him with a kiss and pulled Kent flush against him, trailing his fingers down his spine with slow, soothing strokes. 

* * *

Even if Jeff wasn’t convinced he was Domming Kent as well as he could have been, he must have been doing something right, because in Kent’s first official game of the season, he got a hat trick against the Penguins, sealing a victory for the Aces. Back in the locker room, Kent was showered with hugs and praise, and Jeff was taken aback to receive a few congratulations from teammates as well.

“I know it was a rough beginning, but you’re doing a great job with him,” Bracky told him warmly. “Keep that up. And us backups are always here if you need us.”

“Thanks,” Jeff said, with a small surge of pride that he was able to help Kent achieve their victory, even in such an indirect way. 

He wasn’t sure how Kent would feel about him getting this kind of credit, though, and he instinctively looked around to check if he’d overheard. But Kent was over in his stall being fussed over by the trainers, and he hadn’t caught any of it.

* * *

That night, both Jeff and Kent went out to celebrate with the team, but neither of them stayed out late. Kent had been given a strict curfew and recovery plan by the trainers to ensure none of the hits he’d taken left him any worse for wear. It had been an extremely physical game for everyone, but Malkin especially had been on Kent like a rabid dog at every opportunity, constantly trying to slam him into the boards or hook him with his stick. While Kent’s speed had helped him evade Malkin most of the time, he’d still emerged from the game with more than a few bruises. 

Jeff went home with him after only a few drinks, wanting to be sure he was safe and comfortable and wasn’t left wanting for anything; he wanted to be there if Kent needed him, needed anything from him at all. His Dom instincts never would have allowed him to hang out at bars and party while his sub was at home, possibly injured. As per usual, Kent did not appreciate the gesture.

“You could have stayed,” he pointed out as they entered Jeff’s apartment, dumping their gear by the door.

“I didn’t want to,” Jeff told him immediately. “I just want to be with you, to be sure you’re okay.”

Evidently, it wasn’t the right answer, because a muscle in Kent’s jaw twitched and he got that steely look in his eyes again, but he turned away from making eye contact with Jeff. “I should start the laundry,” he stated flatly, reaching for their bags, but Jeff stopped him.

“Leave it,” Jeff insisted. He took Kent by the shoulder with one hand, smoothing his hair back from his face with the other. “We can do that later. Right now, I just want to take care of you, make sure you’re okay. Malkin was really shoving you around.”

Kent buckled under his touch. For a moment, Jeff was convinced that they’d be able to have a nice night together, just like that first time he’d coaxed Kent into submitting to him, just like that time he’d invited Kent to share his bed.

But then Kent pulled away, and Jeff could see that steely look flicker briefly, revealing that old wariness again lurking beneath. “No. Jeff, I can’t.”

“Oh, come on,” Jeff protested, frustration and worry boiling into something dangerously close to anger. “I saw the way you were getting knocked around out there, Kent! I just want to make sure you’re not hurt!”

There was a pause before Kent spoke again, various expressions flitting across his face too quickly for Jeff to catch, and he looked away before replying, then back again.

“You were worried about me?” he asked quietly, staring at Jeff with an unreadable expression.

Anger beginning to fade, Jeff stared at him in puzzlement. “Yeah, of course.” He took a step toward Kent, his mind racing. 

Was that what the problem was? Kent thought he didn’t care about him? But how could he believe that, when Jeff had been going out of his way at every opportunity to show Kent that he cared?

He got his answer when Kent looked at him with disdain, his hands curling into fists.

“Well, you shouldn't,” he spat from between gritted teeth. “You’re a service Dom, Jeff. You shouldn’t be getting too attached.”

He spun around to make his exit, but Jeff grabbed him before he could leave. 

“What the hell does that mean?” Jeff demanded. The declaration left him more confused than angry, but he still wanted an explanation.

Kent’s eyes locked onto his for only a few seconds before breaking their shared gaze, but Jeff could still recognize the emotion in his eyes when he glimpsed it: fear. Overcome with guilt at the idea of causing his sub to be afraid of him, Jeff let go and stepped back.

“I’m sorry,” he said, immediately and sincerely. “That was wrong on my part, Kent. I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all. I really didn’t like seeing you get shoved around on ice like you were. I want to make everything better, if you’ll let me.”

Scowling, Kent wrenched open his mouth to give what was sure to be a scathing reply, but then his face changed, and he simply stood there for several seconds, blinking, as his face shifted from irritation to clear, unmistakable hurt. Then, to Jeff’s shock, he crumpled to the ground, collapsing down to kneel in front of him.

“Is this what you want?” he hissed out between gritted teeth. He glared up at Jeff with furious, tear-filled eyes that no longer looked like the shallow, inviting blue-green waters of the beach and instead like the menacing dark blue-gray waves that drowned ships during storms. “Me on my knees in front of you? _Submitting_ to you? Well, fine. Here you fucking have it.” 

His jaw worked frantically for a moment, as if he thought his remarks weren’t quite insulting enough and was summoning up another line of venom. Then, as Jeff watched helplessly, tears welled in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, and he buried his face in his hands as he started to sob.

The sight of his sub in distress startled Jeff into action, and he immediately dropped to his knees beside Kent and gathered him into his arms, trying to offer comfort the best he could and attempting to ignore the creeping suspicion that he was entirely out of his depth.

The very first instinct he had was to soothe Kent, and that was what he did, again with the knowledge he might be rejected.

“Hey, hey,” Jeff said softly, drawing Kent in to lean against his shoulder and holding him tightly. “What’s this about? What’s going on, huh?”

Kent didn’t answer beyond accepting Jeff’s embrace and looping his arms around his neck to cling to him. He didn’t speak; he couldn’t, he was crying too hard. His entire body was shaking, his shoulders heaving with the force of his sobs. Whatever he’d been holding in had clearly been building for a while.

Jeff’s stomach twisted, feeling vaguely ill that he’d failed to recognize the true extent of his sub’s unhappiness, that he hadn’t noticed just how deeply Kent had been hurting.

“That’s right, that’s right,” he murmured, holding onto Kent with one hand and rubbing soothing circles on his back with the other. “Let it out. You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” 

After several minutes, Kent’s sobs slowed into shaky inhales, but he remained as he was, his face buried in Jeff’s collarbone. Jeff’s shirt was soaked around the neck with Kent’s tears, but he couldn’t have cared less, instead opting to try to figure out once and for all the cause of Kent’s pain.

“We need to talk,” he told Kent quietly, changing from rubbing Kent’s back to playing with his hair, remembering how much Kent had enjoyed it. “I need you to talk to me.”

Kent gave no answer, but he stilled, seemingly in anticipation, so Jeff continued even as his heart hammered in his chest.

“Tell me what’s going on,” he instructed, ghosting his fingers over Kent’s scalp. “Tell me what’s going on with you and how I can help. Please, Kent.”

Several seconds passed where Kent didn’t make a move or a sound. Disappointed, Jeff was just trying to summon his strength to give it another try when Kent leaned back to look at Jeff, his face pale and drawn, tears still slipping down his face.

“I’m a toxic sub,” he said bleakly, withdrawing his arms from Jeff’s neck and letting them drop limply to his sides. “I damage the Doms that I kneel for. I’m not good for them, and I only make them worse when I try to help them. I don’t know why, but I do.” That jaw muscle was working frantically again, but a second round of tears were beginning to trickle down Kent’s face.

Jeff’s heart twisted, because he knew who Kent was referring to, and he’d had no idea Kent had taken their fallout and separation so hard. He would have stopped him from thinking that way if he’d known.

“You’re talking about Jack Zimmermann, aren’t you?” he asked, tenderly brushing away one of Kent’s tears with a thumb.

Kent let out an awful, wounded noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob that wrenched something fiercely protective out of Jeff. 

“I did _everything,_ ” Kent gasped through his tears. “I did everything I could for him, and I put aside everything I wanted and convinced myself I didn’t want it at all, because I knew it wasn’t what _he_ needed. And sometimes I hated him for it, and most of the time I hated myself, but I told myself that he loved me and that it would all be okay.” He buried his face in his hands, sobbing almost too hard to speak. “And you know what he did then? He went and tried to kill himself. I tried to take care of him, I really did, but—” he broke off, his shoulders shaking violently once more.

Jeff had to consciously stop himself from clenching his fists, and, not wanting to accidentally yank Kent’s hair, went back to rubbing soothing circles on his back. He waited until the worst of Kent’s sobs had died down, fighting down his impatience all the while. He wanted to take all of Kent’s hurt away as fast as he could, wanted to force Kent to understand that he wasn’t alone anymore, that he had Jeff to lean on now, but he fought the impulse. Reassuring Kent wasn’t something that could be rushed. If he wanted Kent to truly trust him, wanted Kent to be able to trust in him as a Dom, he needed to take his time.

When Kent grew quiet again, Jeff carefully lifted up his chin to make sure Kent was looking him in the eyes.

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding submitting to me?” he asked gently. “You’re scared that you’ll fail me? Hurt me?”

Kent tried to look away, but Jeff held on firmly, forcing Kent to look at him directly. The same fear as before surfaced in Kent’s gaze, and Jeff instantly wanted to rush to comfort him. It took all that he had to stick to his guns and insist on an answer.

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle destroying another Dom,” Kent whispered raggedly. “Jack tried to kill himself because of me. What would I make you do? I didn’t want to fuck things up with a second Dom, especially not while my first was still in rehab.” He closed his eyes again, and Jeff knew he was holding back yet more tears. “I had to keep away from you, even when I wanted to be with you. I know you were always trying to help me, and I slipped up a few times, but I couldn’t let myself give in. I didn’t want to ruin things with my new team. I wanted to prove that I could be worthwhile, that I could do more than just cause trouble for people.”

His voice cracked when he got to the end, and this time, Jeff didn’t hold back from comforting him, going back to petting his hair, letting his touch relieve Kent’s stress.

For a few moments, he gathered his thoughts, going over in his mind what he wanted to say and what Kent needed to hear. Then he set out to calm Kent’s fears.

“Thank you for telling me that,” Jeff murmured to him, leaning in to speak into Kent’s ear. “I know it was hard for you to say, but you did such a good job by telling me.” 

“I—” Kent began, but Jeff instantly pulled back to silence him.

“No,” he said firmly, looking Kent dead in the eye. “You did something that was very difficult for you, and you deserve to have that acknowledged. I won’t hear otherwise, do you understand? You did a good job, and I’m proud of you.”

Kent looked away, blushing at the praise, and Jeff had to bite back a smile. He’d only seen Kent blush once before, during his first submission, and never just at words alone. The slight tint of pink on his face brought him to look unexpectedly shy and sweet, and Jeff absolutely adored the sight of it.

But Jeff felt his smile fading as he arrived at his next point, and he knew his expression showed his seriousness. He kept careful control of his voice, not wanting to scare Kent when he was already feeling vulnerable.

“Another thing you have to understand,” he continued, “is that you are not responsible for Jack’s actions. I know you tried your best to help him, and that’s extremely admirable. He’s lucky to have had such a devoted sub. But if he wanted to deliberately overdose, you were in no position to stop him. It had nothing to do with you and you not doing enough for him. It was his own choice. It does not reflect on you as a sub, you understand?” He held eye contact with Kent, determined to drive his meaning home, determined to make sure Kent stopped struggling with this burden of guilt that he never should have had to shoulder. “Managing Jack’s health is not something you ever could have been or should have been solely responsible for.”

Jeff was expecting some argument, some insistence from Kent that he should have done more, that he should have been better, but all he got was a pleading kind of hope on Kent’s face, a desperation to believe what Jeff was telling him. It made Jeff’s stomach twist to look at it.

How long had Kent been waiting for this moment? For someone to console him and tell him Jack’s problems weren’t his fault?

Far too long, as far as Jeff was concerned. But he would remedy that now. 

“It’s true,” he reassured Kent, combing his fingers through his hair. “You’re not some kind of toxic sub. You did all that you could to help Jack. It isn’t your fault that it wasn’t enough, and you need to stop punishing yourself for it. But,” he went on, a hint of reprimand creeping into his voice, “your method of helping him was wrong.”

Kent reacted to Jeff’s words like they were a physical blow, flinching and letting out a little choking noise, dread flickering across his face. He was clearly wondering if Jeff was changing his story and actually did blame him for Jack’s OD.

“No, it’s okay, calm down,” Jeff soothed him. “Hang on, just give a chance, and I’ll explain.”

He ran his hands through Kent’s hair several more times to relax him, but, knowing his words had left Kent anxious, didn’t delay for long.

“I called it wrong because it was wrong. It was wrong to do that to yourself,” Jeff explained to him. “It’s wrong to neglect your own needs as a sub just to keep your Dom happy. I know why you did it, and I know you had the best of intentions and were doing it to help him, but if you ever feel like you have to do that to make a relationship survive, that’s a huge warning sign that you two just simply aren't compatible any longer, or at least, not at the moment.” Jeff let his hand slide from Kent’s scalp to caress the side of his face. “It’s no one’s fault when that happens, but it is something that needs to be recognized.” He looked at Kent earnestly. “Whether it’s Jack, me, or anyone else, I never want you to ignore yourself to keep a Dom satisfied. You’re worth more than that. You deserve better, and I want you to know it.” He concluded by giving a light kiss to Kent’s temple. 

Kent swallowed and looked down, but he nodded, and Jeff felt a twinge of relief that he seemed to understand his concern. Still, he knew he’d have to keep a careful eye on Kent as their relationship developed to make sure they were doing what Kent wanted, not what Kent thought Jeff wanted.

The connection between the two of them was evidently lingering in Kent’s mind as well.

“Do you still want to be . . . together?” he asked Jeff as he looked back up at him. A trace of that old wariness flashed in his eyes again, along with a gleam of insecurity. “I understand if you don’t, you know, given my baggage. If you don’t want to deal with that, I totally get it.”

Jeff’s Dom instincts surged, urging him to comfort and reassure his sub, prove to his sub that he belonged with him, but he ignored them for the moment, knowing he had to put what was right for Kent before what felt right for himself. 

“Do you want to be with me?” he questioned Kent, studying his face, intent on figuring out if Kent was just telling him what he thought he wanted to hear or if he was actually being honest.

A moment passed as Kent paused, and even though Jeff’s heart was in his throat, a rush of pride swelled within him that Kent wasn’t going to let himself be shoved around, that he was capable of standing up for himself and making his own choices. There couldn’t be any doubt that Kent was damaged, but he wasn’t a pushover.

“I do,” Kent said eventually, and though he had trouble looking directly at Jeff, his eyes darting away shyly, his voice was steady. “I really do want to be with you. I liked how patient you were with me, even though you were upset, and I liked that you were always trying to find new ways to help me. And,” the blush in his cheeks deepened, “I liked waking up beside you in bed.”

An unexpectedly powerful jolt of happiness flooded through Jeff, and his inner Dom whooped in satisfaction at Kent not only being aware of all his efforts but also appreciating them. Hell, half the time Jeff hadn’t been sure he’d even noticed.

“Then we’re together,” Jeff declared, nuzzling against Kent affectionately, a thrill of delight zipping through him when Kent chuckled softly in response. 

“You don’t know how much I wanted this,” he murmured to Kent. “To have you and to hold you and to show you that you deserve to have someone care for you. All those fears you about not proving yourself to the team—I want to show you that you’re wrong. You are useful and worthwhile and _wanted_. Both me and the team think so. And all I want is to cherish you and put your mind at ease and make sure you’re happy.” He laid a soft, chaste kiss on Kent’s cheek and then his lips.

Kent let out a shaky sigh and looked up at Jeff, his gaze shy and faltering but sincere. “I want that, too,” he breathed. “I just . . . I . . .” he shrugged helplessly. “I want to be with someone who really and truly wants me back.”

“That’s me,” Jeff said immediately. “I’m going to treasure you, Kent, I promise. I wouldn’t dream about doing anything less.” His natural Dom protectiveness surged through him as he spoke, and his grip around Kent’s shoulders tightened. 

Jeff’s phone chirped then; it was a reminder alert of the trainers’ curfew for Kent. 

“Speaking of bed, it’s about time for you to get to sleep,” Jeff told him, gently untangling himself and rising to his feet. He tugged Kent up to stand beside him. “Come on, you need some rest after a game like that.” It felt so natural, caring for his sub and making his concerns known.

Kent looked away for a moment, and then back again, a tiny, hopeful smile on his face. “Could I sleep in your bed tonight?”

“You can sleep in my bed any night,” Jeff told him, looping an arm around his shoulders as they moved toward the stairs.

That night, he gave Kent one of his own T-shirts to wear to bed, an old one back from his Juniors team that been worn tissue-soft. Heat coiled low in his gut at the sight of Kent in his clothes, and Kent had barely lay down on the mattress before Jeff snaked out a hand to pull him close.

But old habits died hard, because the instant he glimpsed the movement, Kent was already backing away, indecision clear on his face. 

This time, Jeff wasn’t going to let it stand. “You need to stop denying yourself this,” he told Kent sternly, who turned away from him at the words.

Seeing the effect of his reprimand and instantly regretting his harshness, Jeff deliberately softened his voice. “You deserve this, Kent. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel loved.”

Kent blinked at him as if surprised, as if he wasn’t sure if he should believe it or not, but he climbed into bed beside Jeff and didn’t object when Jeff wrapped an arm around him. Instead, he pressed closer to Jeff’s chest.

“Thank you,” Kent murmured, his eyes already closed. He was relaxed and sleepy, at ease in a way he’d never been with Jeff before, not entirely.

Warm contentment settled within Jeff, pleased at being able to provide love and comfort for his sub at long last.

“Anytime,” he replied, giving Kent a light kiss, before closing his eyes to get some rest himself. 

As he drifted off to sleep, he could only marvel at how right it felt for his sub to be lying beside him in his protective embrace, and how good it felt to know that Kent had some peace at last.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone reading! If you ever want to chat, here's my [Tumblr](http://maeve-of-winter.tumblr.com/). I love discussion and hearing people's thoughts, so feel free to submit headcanons, fic ideas, or just talk about Kent!


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